


Soul of Stupidity

by JennyDeVic



Category: Saint Seiya, 聖闘士星矢: 黄金魂 | Saint Seiya: Soul of Gold
Genre: Aiolia needs food and water!, Aldebaran is awesome in this, Attempt at Humor, F/M, Gen, Greatest Eclipse isn't that important!, M/M, Mu looks so beautiful in this!, Parody, They keep forgetting Kanon!, What have they done to Dohko's character!?!, Where's Marin?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23129320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyDeVic/pseuds/JennyDeVic
Summary: I started making this strip on Tumblr, but the amount of work it took just to post images was too difficult. So I figured I would try it again here. Will it continue, we'll see.Please note, I LOVE Saint Seiya. I spent at least a hundred dollars on the new Awakening game, I do own some Myth Cloths, and floating around the internet is at least 1 million words worth of my fanfiction. This is more of a loving parody and not a hate fest.
Relationships: No clue but I'm sure it will be kinky
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started making this strip on Tumblr, but the amount of work it took just to post images was too difficult. So I figured I would try it again here. Will it continue, we'll see. 
> 
> Please note, I LOVE Saint Seiya. I spent at least a hundred dollars on the new Awakening game, I do own some Myth Cloths, and floating around the internet is at least 1 million words worth of my fanfiction. This is more of a loving parody and not a hate fest.

**Aiolia:** Oh my god! It’s Greatest Eclipse! I have to get out of here and save Athena!

**Lyfia:** Oh that? Don’t worry, it’s been up there for about a week. Now let’s move along and save Asgard!

 **Aiolia:** A week!?! Solar eclipses only last like 8 minutes at the most! If we don’t stop Greatest Eclipse, the Earth will cool down, everything will die and you’re worried about a damn tree?

**Lyfia** : That tree is evil! It’s feeding the poor, ending winter and making Hilda look bad!

**Aiolia:** What are you talking about? Hilda’s the one who keeps it cold here! The whole damn point of making her good again in the Asgard Saga was so that she could go back to praying and keeping the ice caps frozen. Speaking of Hilda, where is she? Did Andreas kill her? She is like the only one who has like the cosmos to manipulate the weather and destroy the tree!

**Lyfia:** No, unfortunately, he has placed her in a warm king-sized bed so she can get better.

 **Aiolia:** Well why don’t we wait until she gets…

***Growl***

**Lyfia:** Oh look, I’m hungry. Time for the next scene before people discover any more plot holes.

**Lyfia** : Ahh that was so good! I haven’t eaten since yesterday! 

**Aiolia** : How come?

 **Lyfia** : I was being chased around. They even have wanted posters on me.

**Aiolia** : Why are you wanted? 

**Lyfia** : Because I was spying on him while he was making a public speech.

 **Aiolia** : Uh… okay… well…are you sure this is a good idea to eat here in public? I could have hunted a rabbit or you could have given me money and I could grab a to-go box…

**Lyfia** : No way. The only way Toei can build up your character is with you having a love interest. You know, someone who you can talk to and allow viewers to know the real you. 

**Aiolia** : We’ll if they want me to develop a character, why don’t I spend time with my brother. We haven’t sat down and talked in the last thirteen years. Plus I wonder what Marin is up to? They never explained how exactly she gets Seika back and where she was during the Hades Saga and … 

**Lyfia** : But the fan fiction! Think of all the wonderful shipping that can be involved!

**Aiolia:** Screw it. I’m out of here. I got a maniacal God who wants nothing but winter and an apocalyptic tree that wants nothing but summer. Go get yourself kidnapped so I have a reason to whip out my Gold Cloth and sell fucking toys.

_1 Minute later_

**Aiolia:** The fuck! I was just joking!

 **Lyfia:** Sorry, I fell asleep in the tavern!

 **Aiolia** : Uh.. this marks the second time you’ve been kidnapped. There better not be twelve more episodes of this stupid shit.

**Frodi** : I’m afraid there is, Gold Saint. Now die!

**Aiolia** : Damn he’s strong. But, how is this possible? I’m moving at light speed. How is he moving faster than that?

 **Frodi** : Fool! By using a moving sword, I can stand still allowing the animators to cut costs and have my sword be portrayed as single flashes of light thus granting me more speed. Plus you have a cursed mark now. 

**Aiolia** : Great, done in by a failed plot point from Saint Seiya Omega. 

**Aiolos** : _Aiolia, do not despair, I am here now._

 **Aiolia** : Big Brother, you are here! We can finally team up together and…

 **Aiolos** : _Don’t be silly. I’m just here to give out advice and a God Cloth._

 **Aiolia:** Come on, why can’t come over and help me? We can double team and get this done sooner. We got Greatest Eclipse and Yggdrasil. That’s like two fucking apocalypses at the same time!

 **Aiolos:** _I am far away…_

 **Aiolia:** Dude, it’s called light speed. I know you have it because I just used it a few seconds ago. Plus you can fucking fly. 

Aiolos: _Goodbye little brother… make me proud by selling out all of your Myth Cloth preorders within a month of being announced._

**Aiolia** : Fine, let’s get this over with. Hey, my curse disappeared! 

**LIGHTNING PLASMA!**

**Aiolia** : Crap, it’s back. Oh man, it’s all over. I can’t move. I’m sorry Lyfia. I failed you.

**Lyfia** : Hush my love, he is gone now.

 **Aiolia** : What? How? I can’t move, you can’t fight and he has a magical sword that can do whatever he wants, and he ran away?

 **Lyfia** : Because I gave him the evil eye! The thought of all the Lyfiaolia shipping art was enough to terrify a God Warrior powered by an apocalyptic tree who can move faster than light.

 **Aiolia** : Well why didn’t you do that sooner! You’re telling me I saved you twice, fought in a god Cloth and all you have to do is stare at him to keep him away! Oh my body. It hurts so bad.

 **Lyfia** : Oh you poor thing. It looks like I will have to nurse you. 

**Lyfia** ; Think of all the wonderful fanfiction that will be written about it.


	2. Soul of Stupidity 2.1: Lyfia to the Rescue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After using Lyfia's death glare to escape from Frodhi, she and Aiolia meander in the snow, looking for a place to recover. Unfortunately, to Aiolia's horror, episode two featured the debut of the opening.

**Aiolia:** Oh, by the Goddess, it’s horrible!

**Lyfia:** My love, what’s wrong? You’ve done it! You finally received your very own opening! Now you are officially the main character!

**Aiolia:** But it sucks!

**Lyfia:** It’s not that bad. The animation looks a little...cheap and Shaka’s posing is a bit weird, but only to avoid under-lapping your beautiful shoulder.

**Aiolia:** That’s not what I’m talking about! I’m talking about the _opening_ to the opening. Take a look at the first Asgard Saga with the Bronze Saints.

**Aiolia:** In the first 5 seconds, Soldier Dream is playing and Seiya and his friends nobly charge forward! In the next 5 seconds, they disappear in magnificent streaks of light!

**Lyfia:** Oh, what a wonderful way to start! They look like true heroes and legends!

**Aiolia:** I agree! It’s a fantastic opening! However, because it is so great, in the name of fan service, TOEI decided to copy it with one big difference. 

I, a Gold Saint, the Fifth Guardian of the Zodiac bravely charge forward, ready to protect the world with my fists and strength!

**Aiolia:** BEFORE GETTING MY ASS KICKED!

**Lyfia** : Oh, you’re just nitpicking. Nobody will notic-

**Aiolia** : It lasts five seconds! I counted! But it gets better. They didn’t use the budget to prevent all of my friends from looking weird on that end screen, but they were willing to spend it on giving me this fancy 180 shot of me screaming like a bitch with my helmet knocked off. _Uhhh...the curse...why is it activating_? I’m not even doing anything besides walking in the snow. I thought this appears as if I overexert myself in battle.

**Lyfia:** It does more than that, my love! It sensed we are alone and we must have more fan service!

**Aiolia:** Fan service! I don’t have time for pointless fan service! I have to save the world! I have to save Asgard! The Bronze Saints are going to Elysium! Marin is alone! Athena is in a fucking jar getting all her blood sucked out... all while trying to get my Myth Cloth on the top ten list of Amazon just to make my brother happy! By the Goddess, I have to keep going! I have to keep fighting! There is so much to do! _Uggghhh…._

**Lyfia: AIOLIA!!**

**Lyfia** : _Oh, this position will not do! Let me twist around and reposition his arm, slide it down a bit and…._

**Lyfia** _:_ I did it! Suck it Marin shippers, he’s mine!

**Aiolia: *wakes up*** Uggh, Lyfia, why are you directly under my arm like this?

**Lyfia:** Because we fell!

**Aiolia:** Yeah, we fell, but I’m fairly certain we fell _facing forward._ I am not a prude! Why is my arm over your chest now? 

**Lyfia:** The curse is affecting your judgment. Here let me help you.

***Lays Aiolia in a warm bed and lights a fire.**

**Lyfia:** There, much better. Now listen to me! If you don’t get any rest, you’re going to be weak, your Myth Cloth will sell worse than the Steel Saint line, and you can’t save Asgard.

**Aiolia:** And the entire world from Greatest Eclipse.

**Lyfia:** Oh yes, that too, but mostly Asgard. 

**Aiolia:** I suppose you are _mostly_ right. You had to drag me here after the battle, and I will be no good in a fight, God Cloth or not.

**Lyfia** , thank you for helping me. I am so glad that I met you. You are…

**Lyfia** : Yes?

**Aiolia:** A good friend.

**Lyfia** : Friend? What? Just _friend_ and not _girl_ -friend?

**Aiolia** : Uh...we just met. But there was one Amazon back in Sanctuary who stayed by my side since I was young and-

**Lyfia** : -Oh Aiolia, you are so delirious! I must nurse you, but there are no supplies here!

**Aiolia:** It’s fine. Just let me rest for fifteen minutes.

**Lyfia:** Baloney! You need food!

**Aiolia:** We _just_ ate! I’m stuffed!

**Lyfia** : Water! There’s no water!

**Aiolia** : What are you talking about? It’s snowing! Just gather some up, put it by the fire you made and melt it!

**Lyfia** : That makes too much sense! 

**Aiolia** : Lyfia, _listen to me._ Food and water is the last thing you give someone when they pass out. I just need a little bit of rest, like twenty minutes. Just sit there and keep an eye on me to make sure it is nothing serious. After that, we’ll go back to saving the world from the double-apocalypse. Ugggh.

***closes eyes and falls asleep**

**Lyfia** : Wait? You want me to wait? That’s so boring! Especially when I can have a dramatic montage of me doing everything in my power to save you like a true waifu!

***Runs off**

**Lyfia:** Help! My boyfriend is unconscious! He needs food and water to wake up! Drats, everywhere I go, no one will answer their doors!

**Lyfia:** No! I can’t believe it! Oh Aiolia, I can’t find anyone or anything and now my beloved will starve! Marin, you win this round, but nothing screams the power of love than....

**Mu:** ***Walks out of the house, literally three feet away.** Oh hello there. I was certain I heard someone since this town has been nearly empty for a while. I have some supplies, shelter and...

**Lyfia** : _Ahem_ , but nothing screams the power of love than....a dramatic faint after every attempt to save my dear Aiolia has failed!

***Dramatic faint**

****

**Mu:** _Oh my goodness... I_ 'm so pretty in this shot.

_To Be Continued...._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually enjoy watching the Soul of Gold opening and still play it every once in a while. It's a good version of Soldier Dream and considering the budget this show had, they do make it work. However, the first ten seconds of it don't exactly show our Leo in a noble light. 
> 
> The whole searching for water and food part actually does happen in the show (which is why I made sure to include the subtitles on that scene). While there is a bunch of dumb stuff added in, that part really did happen.


	3. Soul of Stupidity 2.2: How Dohko Lost his Groove and how Aldebaran Always had his but no one ever noticed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taurus Aldebaran is walking around when he spots an arena with a familiar cosmos. He goes inside and meets someone who looks like Dohko, sounds like Dohko, but doesn't quite act like him.

**Aldebaran** : I can’t believe this cosmos! Why it can belong to no other than Old Master Dohko!

  


A selfless Saint who dedicated over two hundred years guarding a waterfall to ensure that many generations could live in peace and harmony.

**Aldebaran:** Old Master Dohko! It is I, Saint Aldebaran of Taurus! Hurry, we must stop Greatest Eclipse! 

**Dohko** : Oh that? Eh, no worries. Want to go drinking?

***Later**

  


**Aldebaran** : Old Master, why aren’t you even concerned about Hades trying to conquer the world again?

**Dohko** : Oh what’s the worst that can happen?

**Aldebaran** : He killed nearly all of your friends in the last battle.

**Dohko** : Yeah, that’s true and normally I would care, but as the wise ancient chinese phrase goes: _Next Dimension bù mài. Cùjìn Asgard zhēngqǔ gèng duō de shōurù._

Which Google translates to: _Next Dimension Myth Cloths doesn't sell. Promote Asgard for more money instead._

Besides, who do you think people will buy more of? God Cloth Aiolos or Sagittarius Gestalt, you know, the one who was tricked into thinking he was half-horse?

  


**Aldebaran** : Alright, but even if you ignore the past, don’t you think us coming back from the dead is very suspicious? 

**Aldebaran’s actual dialogue:** We, the Gold Saints, perished in the Underworld, yet were revived here in Asgard. It’s clearly at someone’s will. Someone is playing with our lives here.

**Dohko:** Mysteriously revived by another deity? Oh come on, what’s the worst that could happen.

***FLASHBACK**

_**Saga:** We’re back bitches!_

**Dohko:** Oh yeah… _I forgot about that._

**Aldebaran’s actual dialogue:** Aren’t you infuriated? We only work at Athena’s will. And yet a Saint like you lounging in a place like this?

**Dohko** : But things are great over here! I can drink and fight and I’ve never felt as alive as I do now!

**Aldebaran:** But what about the others outside of Asgard? 

  


**Shunrei:** Oh my goodness! What is wrong with the sun?

**Shiryu:** Where the hell am I?

**Athena:** _Uggh, this sucks._

**Dohko** : Eh, they’re all important characters. The plot armor will save them. You need to relax, big guy. 

**Aldebaran** : But you’re acting very out of character!

**Dohko** : I know, but don’t worry. This is the third Saint Seiya series I was in. As long as there is a villain that’s a bigger dick than I, the viewers won’t notice.

  


**Hercules** : MWHA HA HA! COME OUT GOLD SAINTS! I am Hercules of Tanngsnir! I am here to kill you two and I am willing to hurt innocent women and little orphan children to do so!

**Dohko:** Jackpot!

**Dohko** : Alright big guy, you’re up!

**Aldebaran** : Me? But I can’t fight! Athena doesn’t allow personal battles.

**Dohko** : Look, I already fought a bunch of personal battles already and my armor didn’t abandon me. Trust me, if you do this, it’s cool man.

**Aldebaran:** Fine, I’ll put on my Cloth, but because this is a personal battle, for the sake of Athena’s honor, I will not fight.

**Hercules** : Ha! If you are just going to stand there, I will make you fight!

**Aldebaran:** By the Goddess! He’s attacking the crowd! Dohko! You’re in the stands with them! Stop standing around and use your light speed and rescue all of those people!

**Dohko:** Sorry big guy, but you have to prove to the audience that you are really powerful.

  


**Aldebaran:** I don’t care about showing off! There are innocent orphan children there! If you are a true Saint, you know what to do.

**Dohko:** Okay fine. Since I am a Saint...

**Dohko** :...kids, if you outrun the nuclear blast, I’ll consider you worthy and you can come train with me on the five peaks of China. 

  


**Aldebaran** : DOHKO!?!

**Dohko:** I’m joking. I think the writers screwed up my character in this episode. But they got you down pretty well, big guy. You’re a true and underrated Saint so show them your stuff for #Taurus Week.

**Aldebaran** : That’s right! GREAT HORN!!!!!

**Hercules** : Ahhhh, run away!!!!!

  


**Aldebaran** : Ah, finally, a battle where I don’t get my ass kicked or lose to some metro-sexual flute player. Okay Dohko, where should we go next?

**Dohko** : Hmm, that tree looks pretty evil in the distance. 

**Aldebaran** : Goddess, it’s like a mushroom cloud from a nuclear explosion!

**Dohko** : I agree. Hey Aldebaran, what are you thinking about?

**Aldebaran** : It’s your character. I was reading the script and was thinking that maybe they switched you and Deathmask’s plot lines.

**Dohko** : How so?

**Aldebaran** : Shouldn’t Deathmask be the one who was fighting in an Arena, drinking all the time, not caring about Athena or anything due to losing his Cloth, while you would be the one caring for little orphans, playing cards and donating your winnings, and falling in love with a kind woman after missing out on that part of your life as a hermit for two hundred years?

**Dohko** : Aldebaran…. _stop making sense._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On Tumblr, it is Taurus Week, so while I wanted to do the plotline of Mu from Episode 2, I decided to switch them around and work on Aldebaran's instead.
> 
> This one was a tough one to write because Dohko's character is written really badly in this. Honestly, if they didn't have Greatest Eclipse going on, Dohko's lines would actually work out and he would be just fine. 
> 
> This is just a guess, but after watching and rewatching this episode, my guess was that they added that it takes place directly after the Wailing Wall and before the Bronze Saints entering Elysium at the last minute and are trying to use Dohko as a way of justifying why the Golds aren't doing anything about it.
> 
> While there was plenty to complain about Dohko in this, I also wanted to make it a love letter to Aldebaran. Aldebaran is just amazing in the actual episode. I would even say that he's easily the best-written character in the SoG series. He comes across as a badass in the fights, and he shows himself to be a true Saint. While you didn't see it here, there were times where he shows a great balance of determination, but also a bit of uncertainty.


End file.
